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[Big Sis is chopping wood]
Cavegirl: You're chopping wood?...Why? Big Sis: I'm working Cavegirl: Wait, I get it. Dad made you do this as a punishment Big Sis: Nope Cavegirl: There's a cute guy who's into girls who chop wood? Big Sis: No Cavegirl: You hate trees? [Cavegirl finds Mum] Cavegirl: She was working. Actually working Mum: It's Rocky. He's moving. Big Sis wants to buy his cave [Rocky's cave] Cavegirl: (to herself) Rocky's cave. Excellent. So that is what the scheming cow is up to. I know what I'd do with this. It's the perfect place for a party. No Dad shouting to 'keep the noise down'. Boy magnet or what! Right, two can play at this game. Rocky: It doesn't come cheap [Cavegirl finds Gran snoozing] Cavegirl: Gran! Gran: Yes Cavegirl: Gran, do you have any odd jobs that need doing? Gran: Maybe one or two little things dear Cavegirl: Great [Cavegirl chops wood, carries water, chops wood, carries stuff, arrives at Gran's with basket of fruit] Gran: Thank you my dear Cavegirl: So is that it? Gran: Yes. That's everything Cavegirl: Sooooo... Gran: Yes? Cavegirl: Aren't you forgetting something? Gran: Oo, yes of course [Gran picks up a stone from under skull and gives to Cavegirl] Cavegirl: A stone? Gran: It's not an ordinary stone, it's the Sacred Stone of Wealth. It brings great riches to its owner Cavegirl: Yeah (with disdain) [Cavegirl walks away, throwing stone back to Gran] [Home cave] Cavegirl: Can you believe it? I slaved for her all day and she offers me...a stone. What's all that about? Mum: Used to be quite a tradition. When I married your dad, Gran gave me the Stone of Peace and Contentment [Dad burps] Big Sis: With all of this (eyeing her stuff), the cave's as good as mine Cavegirl: Don't be so sure Big Sis: (to Mum) You didn't tell her about Rocky's empty cave? Mum: Yes...and now you're both in competition Big Sis: Grrrrrr Cavegirl: Grrrrr Cavegirl: (to herself) This is rubbish. Why are we fighting over it? We're family [Back at Home cave] Cavegirl: Let's go halves Big Sis: No way Cavegirl: We can share. There's enough room for two of us Big Sis: I've had to share with you my whole life. This is the one time I'm going to have something which is all mine. I ain't going to share that Cavegirl: But I'm your sister Big Sis: Whatever, now get lost. I've got all this to now [Cavegirl runs off] Cavegirl: (to herself) I'll show her. Something Mum said has given me an idea [Cavegirl picks up a load of stones] [Village] Cavegirl: Trunk, the weirdest thing just happened to me. I was out in the desert and I found this strange mystical old lady [Story recap, Cavegirl finds old lady in desert] Cavegirl: She was just there dying of thirst, so I gave her a drink. Which totally saved her life Mystical Old Lady: You totally saved my life Cavegirl: And she gave me a stone. She said that from this stone will come many. Whatever that means Mystical Old Lady: And each stone will be a sacred stone, and will bring great riches to its owner Cavegirl: I thought, yeah, right Trunk: Yeah, she was obviously mad Cavegirl: Yeah...I mean it's just an ordinary stone, look [Cavegirl pours out the pouch] Trunk: Yeah but, but that's... Cavegirl: Many stones. It's just like she said. From one come many Trunk: And each stone will bring... Cavegirl: Great riches to its owner. Ahhh, but there's no way it's true. I mean, superstitious nonsense and all that Trunk: Yeah yeah absolutely. But I wouldn't mind having one of those stones, purely as a curiousity of course Cavegirl: Of course...here. I'll give you one Trunk: Thanks Cave...Girl... Cavegirl: For a price Trunk: A price? I'm not paying for it. That's out of the question [Cavegirl returns stones to pouch] [Later, Trunk has stuff for Cavegirl] Cavegirl: (to herself) The bowl and spear are good Cavegirl: Cheers Trunk (handing over stone) Cavegirl: (to herself) But even better...Trunk's habit of boasting, has made my job easy [Big Sis strolls up to find Cavegirl surrounded by huge crowd] Cavegirl: (to herself) Excellent Cavegirl: Sorry folks, that's it. All the stones have gone...except for the original Girl: But it'll multiply again right? Cavegirl: No, the mystic old lady said it wouldn't multiply again until the next crescent moon...whenever that is? Old Man: Crescent moon? But that's tonight Cavegirl: You're kidding. Boy you guy's in luck or what. See you all tomorrow [Cavegirl collects a load more stones] Cavegirl: (to herself) This is the greatest idea of all time. Stroll out to the desert, and pick up a few stones [Gran comes across Big Sis] Gran: What are you two up to? Big Sis: We both want to buy Rocky's cave [Cavegirl has stones lined up to sell] Cavegirl: (to herself) These should be selling like hotcakes [Nettle passes by] Cavegirl: Where is everybody? Nettle: Have you heard? It's Big Sis. She's been given the Sacred Stone of Wealth and Increasing Happiness Cavegirl: She what! [Big Sis with gathered throng] Big Sis: ...and the mystical old lady of the stones said Mystical Old Lady: To your young sister I gave the Sacred Stone of Wealth. To you, the eldest... Big Sis: ...And the prettiest...(continuing story)...I give the Sacred Stones of Wealth... Mystical Old Lady: ...And Increasing Happiness Big Sis:...Now who's buying? [Seeing what's going on, Cavegirl finds Stiks and Nettle] Cavegirl: Yeah the thing is, I'm expecting to take delivery of a new product, the Sacred Stones of Wealth, Increasing Happiness, and now wait for it, Totally Excellent Health Nettle: Oh I like it Stiks: It's going to be huge Cavegirl: But I need to market it right away. And that's why I need you guys Nettle: Yeh, what's in it for us? Cavegirl: Twenty per cent? Stiks and Nettle: Deal [Cavegirl laying out stones] Old Man: What are these? Cavegirl: I'm glad you asked me that, because it's quite a story...Take it away guys Stiks: The dead old lady said... Nettle: There's one last thing I must do... Mystical Old Lady: There's one last thing I must do. I must give you the Sacred Stone of Wealth, Increasing Happiness and Totally Excellent Health...because your sister is a she-goat...and you are totally cute and clever (snuffs it) Gathered crowd: Oooooh. Aaaaah [Big Sis not having much luck] Big Sis: Where you going? Trunk: Haven't you heard? It's Cavegirl. She's got some stones from the dead Big Sis: She what! [Big Sis finds Cavegirl] Big Sis: I saw the cave first. It's mine Cavegirl: Not yet it isn't Big Sis: Cavegirl, you're a lying, cheating dung heap Cavegirl: And you're not? You're the one I learnt it from Big Sis: Pond scum! Cavegirl: She-dog! Big Sis: She-dog! That's it! [Big Sis throws Cavegirl to the ground and they fight] Cavegirl: I want the cave Big Sis: Ow get off Cavegirl: No, you...the stone idea was mine Big Sis: No I hate you, you're so selfish [Cavegirl breaks free and goes up to previous girl customer] Cavegirl: Hey some fantastic new stones in Girl: Why would I want stones, they're yesterday's news Cavegirl: What are you talking about? Girl: I just bought these...the Feathers of Joy Cavegirl: What?...Where? [Feather stand] Roast: Feathers of Joy, last of the feathers, come get them, while they're soft Nettle: Fruits of Wisdom, be wise and buy one now Stiks: And then the magic eagle... [Cavegirl runs to stand] Stiks: These magic feathers... Cavegirl: How could you, we had a deal. You're nothing but lying, cheating pond scum Stiks: I'm not as stupid as you think Cavegirl. Now I get a hundred per cent. Not your lousy twenty Cavegirl: This doesn't sound like you Stiks. Where did you get that idea from? Stiks: Her (points to Big Sis) [Rocky's cave, girls have their stuff laid out] Big Sis: Wait 'til he sees what you've got. Boy is he going to laugh Cavegirl: Yeh, with joy, and then he's going to give me the cave, and you know what, you're never coming over Rocky: (Cavegirl pile) Not bad...(looks at Big Sis' pile)...Not much between these is there? Cavegirl: But have you handed a Sacred Stone of... Rocky: Please, don't insult my intelligence. It's a tough choice...but I think... [Gran arrives] Gran: 'Scuse me, but I've got something [Gran gives pouch to Rocky] Cavegirl: Huh, a stone. Huh, it's just a load of old rubbish. I was offered the stone and I tossed it back. It's not worth anything Rocky: Only an idiot would pass up on this. With this diamond, you got yourself a deal [Rocky and Gran high five] |
last updated Jan 7th 06
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