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[Stiks, Roast and Trunk are fighting]
Cavegirl: (to herself) Boys. They'll fight over anything. Today they're fighting over me Cavegirl: I'm not a prize and I'm not impressed. You can fight all day but I'm not going out with any of you...unless of course Stiks wins. [Stiks leaves fight, jumps up to Cavegirl and leaps to the ground] Cavegirl: Outstanding [Cavegirl running to village] Cavegirl: (to herself) Excellent. I've never had a date with Stiks before. Huh, to be honest I've never really had a date before. [Cavegirl running from village] Cavegirl: (to herself) First date, possible first kiss. Lots to be done. Very important. I've got to get a new outfit. [Arrives at warning drum] Cavegirl: (to herself) The drum's here to alert the tribe if you need help...and if I ever needed help I needed it now. [Cavegirl bangs drum] [Back in village, drum is heard] Dad: Land serpent attacking [Villagers run off, Cavegirl beats drum again Down at pond, Big Sis splashing with Trunk] Big Sis: Horned tribe attacking [Near fire in village, Gran, Little Bro and villagers dancing] LB: Pack of wolves [Cavegirl beating on drum and villagers arrive] Dad: What is it? Land serpent? Big Sis: Horned tribe attacking? Little Bro: Pack of wolves? Cavegirl: Worse. I've got my first date but nothing to wear. I need some ideas. Dad: You mean you made us run miles Big Sis: Up mountains Mum: Down rocks Dad: Because you want help with a dress Cavegirl: Uh oh Cavegirl: (to herself) Nobody seems very pleased with my reasons for banging the drum Dad: We all got our breath back? Mum: Yup Gran: Just about Dad: Let's do it [Cavegirl gets chased] Cavegirl: (to herself) Because I made them run miles, up mountains and through rivers, they've decided to punish me [Cavegirl hides behind a tree] Cavegirl: (to herself) If they're going to punish me, they're going to have to catch me [Stiks is washing in a pool behind the tree] Stiks: For the date I'm thinking about tying my hair up with hogskin strips Cavegirl: What? Stiks: I've excellent hair. Should look the business. What you going to wear? Cavegirl: I errr...I errr...I'll see you later Cavegirl turns and runs into tree bough knocking herself over Cavegirl: (to herself) All I have to do is stand up and leave with dignity Stiks: Are you all right? Cavegirl: Fine [Cavegirl turns and runs into tree bough again] Stiks: Shall I leave first? Cavegirl: Thanks.....Noooooo! [The villagers hear the cry and arrive on the scene. Dad grabs Cavegirl by the hair and lifts her into the air] Dad: You're in trouble...and not just for making me run for miles...but for misusing the warning drum...and that's not just dad trouble but head of the tribe trouble...and that's very big trouble indeed [Cavegirl sitting on top of rock cliff] Cavegirl: (to herself) The punishment, for my so-called crimes, is to sit with my family, their backs turned against me and imagine everything that threatens our village. Land serpents, wolves, and the Horned Tribe. [Cavegirl swings round] Cavegirl: Hang on. I've never seen the Horned Tribe Dad: So? Cavegirl: So how could I imagine.. Dad: Backs! [Cavegirl goes back to the cliff edge and sits down] Cavegirl: So how could I imagine what I haven't seen? Dad: They're huge beast-like men... Gran: With horned heads... Dad: With large webbed hands.. Mum: They can come at any time... Big Sis: They steal our food... Little Bro: Our animals... Dad: If we didn't have the warning drum...some of us would be captured...some of us would be forced to run... Mum: The family would be torn apart. We'd never see each other again... Dad: Tough Cavegirl: Does that mean my punishment's over?...Dad?...Dad! [Cavegirl chases after Dad] Cavegirl: Dad...Dad [Cavegirl runs past Dad who is sat against a rock crying. Cavegirl sits alongside] Cavegirl: Are you all right Dad? Dad: I was thinking aboutwhat the Horned Tribe might do to us [Dad puts arm round Cavegirl] Dad: I never want anything bad to happen to you...didn't want anyone else to see me crying...won't tell them will you? Cavegirl: Course not...I'd do anything for you Dad: And I'd do anything for you Cavegirl: Really? Dad: Really Cavegirl: Really do need a new outfit for my date Dad: Of course...anything Cavegirl: (to herself) Sucker [Down on the beach. Drummer drumming. Cavegirl and Dad arrive to join the rest of the family. Big Sis strutting around] Cavegirl: (to herself) Me Dad on my side, getting ideas off the family is easy Dad: My little girl wants a new outfit for her first date, my little girl gets a new outfit for her first date [Big Sis strutting in furry outfit] Cavegirl: (to herself) Big Sis recommends something skimpy. I didn't know she had so many clothes. Then again I've never been in her cave. No one is ever allowed in my big sister's cave...unless of course you're a handsome boy. Handsome boys not only allowed in but in some cases never allowed out. [Big Sis strutting in leather and straw outfits] Cavegirl: (to herself) Gran's not allowed to show her bodypaint design, I mean, painted wrinkles. Per..lease. [Gran takes Cavegirl off to the side] Cavegirl: (to herself) So Gran offers advice instead Gran: First date? Cavegirl: Yeah Gran: Excited? Cavegirl: Yeah Gran: And nervous Cavegirl: A bit...but nothing to wear and I don't even know how to kiss Gran: You'll find something to wear, and when you meet the right person, kissing's easy Cavegirl: (to herself) My Mum's modelling the same outfit she wore when she was young [Mum changes and prances from behind some bushes] Mum: I'm still the same size! Cavegirl: (to herself) She wishes Mum: Short, sexy Cavegirl: (to herself) And really embarrassing Cavegirl: I've got it Gran: Got what? [Cavegirl wanders off] Cavegirl: (to herself) I've worn some pretty stupid stuff in my time. I've worn ???? on my thighs to make them look smaller, big shoes to make me look taller, big hair. Big mistake. Today you have to look perfect. It's time for drop-dead gorgeous. [Cavegirl rips the skin off the warning drum and sets about her new oufit] [Cavegirl is sat with Stiks, as some of the Horned Tribe run unseen behind and past them] Stiks: You look fantastic Cavegirl: Really? Stiks: Really gorgeous Cavegirl: It's just something I threw on Cavegirl: S' what are you going to do about it? Stiks: What am I going to do about what? Cavegirl: Us sitting here and me looking gorgeous....well? Stiks: Well what? [Cavegirl struts away and poses against rock wall] Cavegirl: (to herself) I know what I want to do, he knows what he wants to do Cavegirl: Why don't we just do it? Why don't we just kiss? Stiks: To be honest I'm not an expert kisser. I've practiced kissing on my toad Cavegirl: Why don't you practice on me? Stiks: Well it's a big step from a toad to a girl Cavegirl: Gran says when you find the right person kissing's easy Stiks: Yea? Cavegirl: Yea Stiks: OK...here goes Cavegirl: Toad won't get jealous? Stiks: Please, I'm trying to concentrate. She's the toad, she is the toad...I can kiss the toad, she is the toad, Cavegirl is the toad...phew [Cavegirl grabs Stiks and pushes him against another rock. Fervent kissing ensues] Cavegirl: Nervous? Stiks: Yea a bit [Horned warriors run past] Cavegirl: No need to be [Stiks sees the warriors] Stiks: You wanna bet, they're going to attack our village Cavegirl: It's OK, someone will see them and sound the warning drum. Let's have another go [Cavegirl starts to kiss] Cavegirl: The warning drum! Stiks: What about it? Cavegirl: I'm wearing the bit that goes bang [Warriors run past Big Sis who is squatted down behind a rock doing her business. She runs to the warning drum, picks up the big stick, takes a backswing then realises the skin is gone] Big Sis: (sigh) [Cavegirl and Stiks are running back to the village] Cavegirl: If we don't do something they'll attack our village Stiks: I wanna go home Cavegirl: If we don't do something we won't have a home...you're a boy, you're good at fighting Stiks: There's too many of them Cavegirl: Someone's got to stop them Stiks: I'm scared Cavegirl: You're pathetic [Cavegirl heads back to the village, past the conveniently placed tribal drummer. Cavegirl catches up with the Horned warriors] Cavegirl: (to herself) When your family's about to be hurt and it's your fault, you get that bit quicker, that bit stronger and that bit more deadly [Cavegirl plants herself defiantly in the path of the warriors and gives them the evil eye] Cavegirl: I've learnt something about men today. Stiks looked like he was good at kissing. He wasn't. You look like you're good at fighting, so let's find out [One warrior advances. A mighty thwack, one warrior less and the others run off] Cavegirl: (to herself) Just when you think you've got the job done there's always more to do [Cavegirl puts on the warrior's animal skull] Cavegirl: (to herself) The last thing you expect is a round of applause [One of the warriors is clapping. Cavegirl gives chase and tackles him. The warrior falls and picks up his animal skull] Cavegirl: (to herself) Our family got it wrong. He doesn't have horns, his hands aren't webbed, he's just a rather beautiful boy. Stuff it, I just can't help myself [Cavegirl takes off her skull and lays on top of the boy] Warrior: I don't want to fight Cavegirl: Nor do I Cavegirl: (to herself) Gran was right...when you find the right person, kissing's...easy. All in all my first date's turning out rather well...and it went on...and on...and on...and on...and... [Stern-looking Dad on-scene] Dad: I want a word with you [Dad and Cavegirl arrive at the warning drum, Cavegirl undoing her outfit] Dad: While some of us have been soppy kissing, some of us have been searching for the missing bits of duu..rumskin. Until it's found no one sleeps, no one eats, no one even goes to the toilet [Cavegirl takes off the top and holds it at arm's length] Dad: Ah excellent...thank you...cover yourself up young lady |
last updated Jan 7th 06
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