[Many of the conversations are between small groups in scattered locations around the village]



Stiks: They're coming, they're here, they're coming, they're coming

Other Chief: (to star player) Losing is not an option

Other's Star Player: Never is. Let's do it!



[Cavegirl strolls through village]

Roast: Ready?

Trunk: Ready

Roast: I'll get her from the front, you get her from the back

Trunk: Let's do it



[The pair run frantically around the place]

Roast and Trunk: Aaaaaaa!

Cavegirl: (to assembled villagers) Right a little less noise I want quiet

Stiks: It's the lads

Cavegirl: No talking

Roast and Trunk: Aaaaaaa!

Stiks: Good luck guys

Nettle's Mum: We'll do it this time boys

Cavegirl: When If say quiet I mean quiet. Now sit down

Boy: Can we do ????

Cavegirl: No we cannot do ???? Right girls. Last week I was teaching you about hygiene. How to wash, where to wash, and more importantly, why we wash...Be quiet Stiks...That means you too (to Nettle's mum)

Roast and Trunk: Aaaaaaa!

Cavegirl: Both of you shut up...(to Stiks and Nettle's mum) Do you want to be sent out?

Stiks and Nettle's Mum: Yeah

Roast and Trunk: Aaaaaaa!

[Roast and Trunk collide just behind Big Sis]

Big Sis: You're supposed to be hitting me. Not each other. Now get up, and do it again. The game's about to start and I want you ready



Stiks: But we only play once a year

Cavegirl: What do you mean we? You don't actually play

Stiks: Because everyone else is better but I do want to watch give my support

Nettle's Mum: It's important. It's a big game

Cavegirl: Stuff the big game. Now sit down and be quiet

Stiks: Now that's going to be difficult

Nettle's Mum: You want us to sit down?

Stiks: We have to ask people to budge up

Nettle's Mum: And if we have to ask people to budge up

Stiks: We have to talk

Nettle's Mum: Which means making noise

Cavegirl: Right, forget class...Go watch your silly game

[Big cheer from villagers who run off]

Cavegirl: Oi, I didn't say you lot, just Stiks and Nettle's Mum

Gran: Aren't you going to support our team?

Cavegirl: No

Gran: Then you can come and help me then

Cavegirl: Doing what?...Gran?...Gran!



[Little Bro removes bladder from dead pig]

Little Bro: Lovely



Cavegirl: Do I have to be the timer? It's a really boring job

Gran: As the home team it's down to us. Anyway, you got anything better to do?

Cavegirl: Nooo

Gran: Well stop moaning and hold still

[Gran paints Cavegirl's face white]



[Little Bro places pigball on pitch]



Big Sis: (to interviewer) As a manager there's only so much I can do. Once the boys get out on that pitch it's down to them

Mum: (to interviewer) I made these pom-poms and you, you um, you get bits of sort of like leather...I've, I've designed a little um the little dance that we do and it's like...T, give us an R, give us an I, give us a B, and what've you got?



Gran: OK, all done

[Gran blows on mammoth horn, play starts]

Big Sis: Get the pig gut...????...Come on Trunk move yourself

Mum: Give us a T, give us an R, give us an I, give us a B, and what've we got

Nettle: It's not much without an E on the end. It's supposed to have an E on the end. Tribe is spelt with an E

Mum: Shut up



Cavegirl: (to herself) What's the point of this stupid game? Loads of guys running around after a...hold on...Oooo...He's alright...Nice mover...He's B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L...(gasp) he's beautiful

Gran: Hope we do better this year. Your grandad was as good as that you know. First time I really noticed him. Oh, lovely young man. Sweet face. Lovely hip movement. Used to swivel past players. Fast and furious



Mum: ...give us an I, give us a B and what've we got?

Nettle: There's an E on the end of tribe



Cavegirl: Gran? Do we get to meet the rival team afterwards?

Gran: No



[Oppostion score]

Dad: Oi team. Do I look like a man who likes having a pig gut chucked at him?

Little Bro: Then why did it happen?

Dad: I'm the head of the tribe. The more the other team hit me in the chest with the pig gut, the more points they score

[Play continues]


Roast: (to interviewer) Last, last, last year I was on, I was on the bench, and I was a bit disappointed about that I didn't get to play but this year they've, they've told me I can play and I'm really looking forward to it. And um I just hope I can do my best



[Gran puckers up and then checks Cavegirl's paint]

Gran: Still a bit wet



[Roast hides from the pursuers]

Roast: Come on let's make a name for yourself come on you can do this...go!

Dad: In the chest, in the chest, in the chest

[Roast hits Dad instead of the other chief]

Dad: Not my chest

Other Chief: Own goal

Trunk: What d'you think you're doing?

Roast: I just wanted to make a name for myself

Trunk: Yeah well you made a name for yourself the name's idiot

Mum: Heeee's an...I-D-O-T

Nettle: That's idot

Mum: But I thought...

Nettle: If you can't spell it don't say it



[Trunk gets tackled by the Other's Star Player]

Gran: Trunk, what are you doing? Hugging him or fighting him? Get the pig gut

Cavegirl: (to herself) Yeah hugging. All I've got to do is join the team. I love having good ideas

[Gran tests the paint]

Gran: Dry

Cavegirl: When does round two start?

Gran: About an hour

[Gran blows time]



[Big Sis runs to Dad]

Big Sis: How many chest bruises?

Dad: Nine

Other Chief: None

Big Sis: Nine none!



Mum: Not teaching today?

Cavegirl: Class is cancelled, everyone wants to watch the game

Mum: Oh...Cavegirl?...Could you help me with spelling?

Cavegirl: Sorry Mum, too busy today

Mum: Watching the game?

Cavegirl: I won't be watching no

[As Cavegirl leaves, Mum spells in the dirt]



Big Sis: Nine poxy none. And one of them was an own goal. Talk about giving it away. How hopeless are you?

Trunk: It was Roast that scored an own goal

Roast: At least I had a go. Didn't see you getting stuck in

Trunk: Yeah well I did my best

Other Player: Your best was rubbish

Trunk: Yeah well you were rubbish

Other Player: Not as rubbish as Roast

Roast: I wasn't rubbish

Big Sis: You were all rubbish

Cavegirl: Er excuse me

Big Sis: Shhh

Cavegirl: I want to be a player

Big Sis: Alright, get the pig gut off Roast

Roast: Set

Cavegirl: Set...Hang on...the what?

Big Sis: The pig gut...get it off him

Cavegirl: What pig gut?

Big Sis: That pig gut

Cavegirl: What happened to the pig?

Big Sis: Who cares what happened to the pig

Cavegirl: I care what happened to the pig. Poor little pig walking about without a gut. Where's it supposed to put all its food?

Roast: It doesn't eat

Cavegirl: Then it's walking about without a gut, starving

Big Sis: No it's not walking about without a gut starving, it's dead

Cavegirl: It's what?

Roast: Dead. To get the gut you've got to kill the pig

Cavegirl: You killed a little piglet so you could play a silly game. That pig had a mum and a dad and you killed it. All that's left is his little gut...(Cavegirl fondles the pigball)...His sweet little gut...Poor little...ha ha got yer. That's one way to get the ball. Want to see another?

Big Sis: Suppose it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone with brains playing for us...You're in



Gran: Sorry you were dropped from the team

Roast: I just wanted to stand out. Own goal. I can't believe it. Big Sis said I was rubbish. She'd rather have a girl play than me

Gran: Think Cavegirl'll make a difference?

Roast: She does to most things

Gran: The only important thing is to win. Like we did when Grandad used to play. Then we stopped looking ridiculous



Big Sis: Of course we're going to win...Are we angry?...(muted yes)...I said, are we angry?...(yes)...Cavegirl, you don't look very angry

Cavegirl: Believe me I'm furious. In this wind I can't do a thing with my hair

Big Sis: Forget hair. This game's got nothing to do with hair



Nettle: (to cheerleaders) It's got everything to do with hair. Your hair looks good, you look good. You look good, you feel good. You feel good, you perform well. Tummies in. Chest out. Chin up. Come on ladies it's our job to raise the boy's spirits

Cheergirl: Stuff spirits we're going to lose

Nettle: We're not going to lose

Other Chief: 'Course you're going to lose

Dad: This year's different. This year's going to be ours...Please?



[Crowd gathers for start of next period. Cavegirl trying to catch eye of Other's Star Player]

Cavegirl: Huk huk hum. Ahum! Huk huk...

Cavegirl: (to herself) Er excuse me, gorgeous girl over here

Cavegirl: Hum! Huk huk huk huk hum. Hum!

Cavegirl: (to herself) Is he seriously less interested in me, than the insides of a pig. Well we'll see about that



[Gran blows the horn, play starts]

Cavegirl: (to herself) This won't be difficult, just got to get his attention

[Cavegirl tackles Other's Star Player to the ground]

Cavegirl: Hi, they call me Cavegirl

[Cavegirl struck on the head by the ball]



Nettle: (to interviewer) Cavegirl's mum's been leader of the cheerleaders for, for years now and they haven't started winning and I'd really, I'd really like to be leader of the cheerleaders...Give us a C-A-V...

Cavegirl: Oh shut up

Cavegirl: (to herself) OK. Plan B

Nettle: Give us a T, T you got the T you got the T give us an R...R you got the R you got the R give us an I...I you got that I you got that I give us a B...B you got the B you got the B..



[Cavegirl finds Mum]

Cavegirl: You alright Mum?

Mum: I was just trying to help..and everyone laughed and shouted at me because I can't spell

Cavegirl: Anyone can spell it just takes belief

Mum: B-E-L

Mum and Cavegirl: I-E

Cavegirl: F

Mum: F. I get it...What are you doing?

Cavegirl: Well, I've spent years watching insects fight

Mum: So?

Cavegirl: (to herself) So it doesn't matter who the toughest is, it's always the insects with the shells that win



[As play continues, Cavegirl appears in her new bark armour and leather helmet. The players stop in amazement]

Other's Star Player: Set

Cavegirl: Set!...Graaaaaa!

[Other's Star Player is flattened, Trunk picks up the pigball]

Cavegirl: Not so interested in the silly ball now are you?

Other's Star Player: Na uh

[Other's Star Player removes Cavegirl's helmet]

Cavegirl: Ahh, you want a kiss?

Other's Star Player: Na

[Other's Star Player removes Cavegirl's armour]

Other's Star Player: Not right now no...Got all I wanted, thanks

Cavegirl: I thought you wanted me

Other's Star Player: Don't be ridiculous. With this stuff I'll be an even better player



[Gran checks the paint on Roast]

Gran: Time

[Gran blows the horn]



Big Sis: It doesn't get any worse than this. This is more embarrassing than being stood up. I feel more stupid than my mum and she can't even spell

Trunk: Yeah but the others were rubbish

Big Sis: You were all rubbish

Cavegirl: Stop having a go at them, it's just a stupid game

Roast: Um do you know how upset we are?

Cavegirl: I'm the one that's upset. It was made clear to me that I am less attractive than a pig's poo bag



Dad: Ooo ah ah aa. They just kept scoring

Little Bro: Does it hurt?

Dad: Of course it hurts. I've been hit fifteen times in the chest with a pig gut. Every year we play. Every year we lose...Every year the tribe's laughed at

Cavegirl: Dad, is winning this game really that important?



Trunk: I never seem to do anything right. For that matter I never seem to do anything right for the team. I feel so hopeless

Big Sis: All I am is good with kids. At the end of the day that ain't much. I want to be something else. Something more than nice thighs and legs. I wanted to create a great team...Then I'd be helping the tribe...Give us some respect...Thought I'd be good at that...Obviously I'm not

Cavegirl: I thought boys's all you cared about

Big Sis: Boys are easy, this is hard. I just feel useless

Stiks: We all get behind the team. It's nice being part of it. That's what being a tribe is. All wanting the same thing...I don't have a mum or dad. The tribe are my family. I want the tribe to be happy. I want us to win

Cavegirl: So why don't you play?

Stiks: I don't want to get hurt



Roast: 'Course I'm angry with you. But it's not because you took my place it's because you played rubbish. All you could think about is that boy.

Cavegirl: What boy?

Other's Star Player: This boy. Where's that kiss?

Cavegirl: I think it's over there. I'll have a look

[Cavegirl runs off]

Cavegirl: Yeah here it is

Cavegirl: Now look it's over there

Cavegirl: Here it is, found it, here's your kiss

[Other's Star Player falls in big hole]

Cavegirl: Sorry, my tribe has to come first



[Roast and Trunk practicing]

Big Sis: Can you both hear me?

Roast and Trunk: Yeah

Big Sis: Then you didn't hit each other hard enough

Roast: I did my best

Trunk: And me

Big Sis: Then obviously your best isn't good enough

Cavegirl: I want everyone to shut up and listen to me

Big Sis: And what's make you think we'd listen to you?

Cavegirl: Because as of now I'm in charge



Cavegirl: What's the problem with our team?...It's a simple question

Trunk: Well the problem is we're not very good

Cavegirl: No, the problem is we keep telling each other we're not very good. All you've done today is shove the blame at someone else. Everyone calling everyone else rubbish. If a player makes a mistake, it's the job of the team to help him through the mistake, not to punish him for it

Cavegirl: (to Nettle) Stop playing against each other. Most of the time me and Big Sis don't get on. Most of the time I hate her, but if anyone hurts my big sis, they've got me to answer to. When it comes down to it, me and Big Sis play for each other. It's called being a family, a team. You lot are a team, and there's no I in team, and there's no E at the end of tribe

Nettle: Yes there is

Cavegirl: Don't you get it. We're all on the same side Nettle. We help each other, we support each other...My mum's a great speller

Mum: Really?

Cavegirl: Absolutely. Tribe is spelled T-R-I-B. OK?

Nettle: OK

Cavegirl: You are a great speller and you're all great players. And talking of players...In the third and final round, the rival tribe's best player won't be playing

Dad: What?

Cavegirl: Trust me



Gran: Sorry you were dropped from the team for the last round

Big Sis: Stuff my feelings, Cavegirl's promised to do a better job

Gran: You think she will?

Big Sis: Everyone liked what she said, I did. Am I all done?

Gran: Yup, all lovely and wet



[Play starts in final period]

Gran: Big Sis, look at this. I don't believe it. Stiks' playing

[Stiks scores]

Mum: Give us a T give us an R give us an I give us a B and what've we got?

Nettle: Tribe

Mum: I can't hear you

Nettle: T-R-I-B tribe, happy?

Mum: Very. We're going to win



Gran: Trunk and Roast are also playing great

Big Sis: She made them hug each other and tell each other how much they loved each other

[Cavegirl slams pigball into Other Chief's chest]

Other Chief: ????

Dad: That's my daughter yahahaha

[Chant for Cavegirl and she scores again ]

[Dad taunts Other Chief. Meanwhile Other's Star Player revives and climbs out of hole]



[Cavegirl about to score again when Other's Star Player flattens her but the horn blows just before he scores]

Big Sis: I'm not dry yet

Gran: Shut up. All over for another year

Big Sis: What's the final score?

Cavegirl: Twenty two all

Other's Star Player: Draw, no. We were winning

Other Chief: We haven't lost

Other's Star Player: We haven't won

Cavegirl: It's a draw

Other's Star Player: A draw means we're all the same, as good as each other, equal

Cavegirl: That's how it should be

Other's Star Player: But we're not the same, and we're better. Your tribe's a joke, everyone laughs at you lot

[Gets clip round ear from Stiks]

Stiks: Not any more

Cavegirl: Let's play an extra round...sudden death

Other's Star Player: Done

Cavegirl: (to herself) You will be



Gran: Aren't you going to miss playing?

Cavegirl: No I've always said it was a silly game

Gran: But without you we'll lose

Cavegirl: No we won't, we're family, a team. It just took a bit of time for everyone to realize it

[Horn sounds]



Trunk: (to interviewer) I had a little bit of a trouble there when er I was tackled really hard, but er I enjoyed myself, and you know what they say, anything can happen in a pigball and it usually does



Other's Star Player: (to teammate) You're rubbish, hopeless

Other Player: I'm doing my best

Other's Star Player: Well your best is rubbish

Other Player: Oh shut up

Other's Star Player: No you shut up

Other Player: No you shut up

Other's Star Player: No you shut up



[The village team scores in jubilation and the other tribe go home in defeat]

Other's Star Player: This is terrible, it's never happened to us before. I feel so...

Cavegirl: Stupid?

Other's Star Player: Yeah...I need someone to talk to

Cavegirl: Oooh, there there, I'm here

Other's Star Player: (chuckles)



Gran: It was a good game, the tribe won, but not as good as when Grandad used to play

Stiks: Most important thing is that the tribe won