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[Nettle is chasing Cavegirl and drags her to the ground]
Nettle: I want to see it, I want to see it Cavegirl: No Nettle: Oh please...let me see it? Cavegirl: You don't get your birthday present 'til your birthday Nettle: But I want to see it now Cavegirl: You can't have it now [Stiks, Roast and Trunk run by] Nettle: Stiks Roast Trunk?...You'll tell me won't you? Stiks: About what? Nettle: About my birthday Roast: What about your birthday? Nettle: I want to know what you got me for my birthday Ensemble: We got you loads Nettle: Really? Ensemble: Really Roast: (under this breath) One, two, three go! [The boys run off] Cavegirl: They haven't got you anything for your birthday Nettle: I know [Fighting resumes] [Nearby] Stiks: (singing and jiggling) Some say you're a disgrace, but I think you've got a beautiful face...and this is my special present for you... Roast: What you doing? Stiks: It's my present...for Nettle. I'm going to give her a song and dance for her birthday Roast: Not a bad present Trunk: Yeah but it's not a good present either though is it? Roast: Yeah but it is original Trunk: And it's free [Fight] Nettle: But I want it now! [The boys are practicing] Ensemble: ...Five Six Seven Eight but I think you've got a wonderful face Stiks: Five Six Seven Eight, and this is...my special present to you Trunk: To you [Tribe gather for Nettle's birthday party, Mum and Nettle kiss] Nettle: Thanks Gran: Happy birthday Nettle Cavegirl: Happy birthday Nettle Little Bro: Happy birthday Nettle Nettle: Ah Stiks: Happy birthday Nettle...Watch this [music and singing? starts] Roast: Some say...you're a disgrace Stiks: I think...you've got a...beautiful face Trio: This is my...present to you... Cavegirl: (to herself) Boys! Singing and dancing. Who'd 've thought that would be fun? All the girls, all the ages, lapping it up...and Nettle's having a great time. Come to that, I've never seen Stiks so happy Trio: This is my...present to you...especially to you...especially to you...especially to you (cheers and whistles) [Next day, Cavegirl running and meets the trio with girls] Cavegirl: You were so excellent last night. Nettle loved her present Trunk: Get lost Cavegirl Roast: We're famous now Cavegirl: So? Stiks: So we've been asked to perform for the Horned tribe Trunk: You know, birthday do that kind of thing Roast: There'll be girls... Stiks: Food... Trunk: And girls! Cavegirl: (to herself) Just 'cause they've got a bit of success they think they can dump their friends [Trio are practicing] Roast: No no no you're doing it all wrong. It's... Gran: (from a distance) Lovely. Look at his legs. Lovely Roast: Go! Again. No no, I can't work like this Mum: I've always had a thing about Roast myself Gran: Trunk's my favourite Roast: No no no, what's wrong with you? We've got to be ready for the show tonight Trunk: Shape up or ship out Stiks Roast: Again, one two three... Cavegirl: (to herself) All this fuss over boys who jiggle around a bit [Nettle and Big Sis are lying on a rock fishing] Big Sis: I don't see what the problem is? Cavegirl: The problem is that young men shouldn't stir up such feelings in old ladies. I mean, Mum and Grandma are like a pair of silly teenagers [Fishing line twitches] Nettle: Ooh, we got one Cavegirl: One two three, pull! [Stiks appears, caught in the net] Cavegirl: Stiks? Stiks: Rejected, dumped, not good enough they said Big Sis: What do you mean? Cavegirl: They sacked you? Nettle: How dare they Cavegirl: We'll see about that...won't we girls? Big Sis: You bet [Duo go flying. Cavegirl sits on Roast; Nettle on Trunk] Big Sis: You can't just dump Stiks Nettle: He's the one who started it all Cavegirl: You'd be nothing without him Trunk: Rubbish, Stiks is an idiot Roast: He should be grateful we carried him this far Nettle: But you can't just dump him Cavegirl: He feels really bad about himself now Trunk: Stuff Stiks, he wasn't good-looking enough anyway, and I'm not letting a mate get in the way of my future Roast: Or my success Trunk: Yep, we're going all the way. Roast: Right to the top [Later] Cavegirl: (to herself) I'll say it again, just 'cause they've got a bit of success they think they can dump their friends. We need an idea to help Stiks Big Sis: Got it Cavegirl: Yeah? Big Sis: Actually, no I haven't Nettle: I got it...No Cavegirl: Got it Big Sis: What? Cavegirl: Simply brilliant, staring us in the face Big Sis: Well shut up and tell us [The New Trio, Nettle, Stiks, Big Sis start practicing] Cavegirl: No no no no no no no give it plenty ???? Five six seven eight Trio: ??Turn twirl hips swirl bodies whirl?? Stiks: Love you girl... Cavegirl: (to herself) Cos Stiks got chucked out of the boy band, we've started another band...and we're going to be even better. I've got gigs, backing group and security. Big Sis, Nettle, Stiks over to you [First gig] New Trio: (song and dance) Turn twirl hips all swirl, bodies whirl, I love you girl Steps left, steps right Lyrics are ???? scratch me right We've got it going on We've got it going strong Let's jump, jump, jump again Jump with your body Just jump again We've got it going on... [Meanwhile the Duo turn up for their fans. Trunk and Roast cheering] Trunk: Where is everyone? Where's our audience? Where's our fans? Roast: Well they're there (points to two seated folk who wave back) [Roast and Trunk hear distant cheering] Roast: What's that sound? [Back at gig] New Trio: (still singing and dancing) We've got it going on We've got it going strong We've got our hands by our faces We've got our feet going places Let's jump, jump, jump With our hands by our faces Let's jump, jump, jump With our feet going places Let's jump, jump, jump Jump everybody Let's jump, jump, jump... Trunk: There all here watching Cavegirl's band...We're yesterday's news...one-hit wonders [Cheers as routine finishes. Cavegirl runs in] Cavegirl: That's all for today. Thanks for inviting us. We'll be happy to come again soon. Big Sis: Thank you, thank you. Now of course, none of this would have been possible without...me! Cavegirl: (to herself) No, none of this would have been possible without me. I can see exactly where this is going. Big Sis has got a bit of success, she's going to dump a friend. [Next practice] Cavegirl: Where's Stiks? Big Sis: I've decided...we're going to be an all-girl band...More successful that way. We don't need Stiks...and as you're our manager, you can tell him. Oh, thanks Cavegirl. I knew you'd understand...five six seven eight... Cavegirl: You can't do that. I will not sack Stiks Big Sis: Um. OK. Let's think about this. OK, thought about it. You're sacked too Cavegirl: (gasp) Big Sis: Bodyguards! Please escort this ex-manager from the area. I'm trying to rehearse [Two Horned warriors drag Cavegirl off] Cavegirl: Big Sis, Big Sis you can't do this Big Sis: Well I already have so just shut up Cavegirl: (to herself) So that's Stiks and me dumped. I wonder how long Nettle will last? Nettle: You really shouldn't have done that Big Sis: And you can shut up too...three four five six seven eight [Big Sis and Nettle performing] I'm only a me ???? Whoooa! That's all I'll ever be Wherever I see myself Looking back at me I only think really think of the melody Cavegirl: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it [Horned warriors drag off Nettle and throw her to the ground while crowd chant Big Sis, Big Sis] Big Sis: Silence!...I'm sorry Nettle. You're just not needed you see. Actually, no not sorry Cavegirl: (to herself) Big Sis, big mouth, big head, big problem [Big Sis performing] I'm only a me I'm only a me Whoooa! Cavegirl: (to herself) She'll do one song, two songs, one husband, two husbands, she may even fancy three, she'll change her image every year, every month, every week...No! every day [Big Sis performing] and then I'll have the bible back... Cavegirl: (to herself) On the way to the top, friends get hurt. Time to do what has to be done [Big Sis performing] I'm only a me I'm only a me Whoooa! That's all I'll ever be Wherever I see myself Looking... [Cavegirl bursts in with stunning new outfit and lots of makeup] [Cavegirl dancing and singing] Cavegirl: Shut uuuup!!! Shut up, shut up I'm a she-dog, shut up Step aside Mr Mitchell I'm coming through Stuff stuff stuff stuff you I'm she-dog, I'm in your face I'm a burning hulk I'm on your case I'll kick your butt and wipe your nose Don't don't don't they're ?powder puffs? Shut up, shut up I'm a she-dog, shut up Step aside Mr Mitchell I'm coming through Stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff you [Audience chant "Cavegirl", Cavegirl...Big Sis stomps off] Cavegirl: Shut up!...Have I given you what you wanted? Audience: Yes Cavegirl: Then will you give me what I want? Audience: Yes Cavegirl: Right then. No more idol worship, 'cause it's not worth it. Nobody is better than anybody else. Look how it's destroyed our friendships. And friendships are much more important than stupid fame. Roast: What's your point? Cavegirl: If you want to admire someone, admire your friends, 'cause they're the ones that really count |
last updated Jan 7th 06
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