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[Cavegirl and Roast are chasing each other by a pool]
Mum: Cavegirl! What are you doing with Roast? Cavegirl: What does it look like we're doing? We're playing Mum: Well don't play with him. You shouldn't be friends with him. He's what Gran calls a wrong 'un Roast: What's your problem with me? I haven't got a problem with you so why've you got a problem with me? Mum: I know you better than you know yourself Roast Roast: (mimicking Mum) I know you better than you know yourself Roast... Mum: You think you're going to wind me up you've got another think coming Roast: (mimicking Mum) You think you're going to wind me up you've got another... Mum: Shut up. This is exactly what I'm talking about Roast: What do you mean "that's exactly what I'm talking about". You haven't said anything yet...What is wrong with you woman? Mum: How many times do I have to tell you, I don't like Roast. Are you listening to me? Cavegirl: (fingers in ears) Does it look like I'm listening to you? La la la-la-la Mum: I'm talking Cavegirl: I'm walking Mum: I'm walking Cavegirl: Um, I'm jogging Mum: I'm jogging Cavegirl: I'm running Mum: I'm running Cavegirl: I'm running faster Mum: I'm only looking out for you [Cavegirl wandering in the bush] Cavegirl: I hate Mum, and I love Roast. Why can't Mum see he loves me and I love him. Why can't they just get on [Cavegirl steps in a boobytrap and is whisked by net into the air, screaming. The rope is cut] 1st Big Strong Woman, Aggy: It's OK, you're safe. Sorry, never meant to hurt you Cavegirl: I'm alright...(sounds of whirling weapons)...Cool [2nd Big Strong Woman demolishes a skull with bolas] Cavegirl: (to herself) Who are these fabulous leggy women and how did they invent these leather fantastics? Cavegirl: Um, are your men out hunting? 1st Big Strong Woman, Aggy: Men? We run our village without men [Back at the village] Mum: What have you done with Cavegirl? Roast: Haven't seen her Mum: Hanging around like a bad sloe where is she? Roast: Don't know. Alright? Mum: Nothing's alright where you're concerned Roast Roast: I haven't done... Mum: I haven't finished speaking...Well answer me when I talk to you...Oh clear off...Clear off! Roast: You can't make me Mum: Wrong...as...usual...Stiks?...Get my shovel [Cavegirl running, skips over some cut off stumps] Roast: Hello? Cavegirl: Hello? Roast: Cavegirl? Cavegirl: Roast! Roast: Ahh Cavegirl [Cavegirl dismounts stump she's standing on and lifts it up to reveal buried Roast] Roast: Hi Cavegirl: My mum really doesn't like you does she? [Cavegirl doing pushups] Cavegirl: ...And they were the most wonderful fantastic amazing women. You'll really love the Big Strong Women Roast: Not THE Big Strong Women? The Big Strong Women are bad news Cavegirl: Yeah right. They're kind, clever, courageous and... Roast: And really dangerous Cavegirl: ...Really great and I want to be just like them Roast: Don't be stupid, they're weird, they're nasty weird and I don't want you going near them Cavegirl: Don't you're hurting me Roast: Well not nearly as much as they're going to hurt you [Back at the village] Cavegirl: You'll really like them Mum. They're so clever and they certainly wouldn't put up with someone like Roast Mum: That's what I like to hear Cavegirl: They're great warriors...and they're going to teach me how to become a big strong woman like them Mum: They're not THE Big Strong Women? Cavegirl: That's what I said Mum: You're not to have anything to do with them. You're to even think about being friends with those women. I am your mother...and I know what's best for you Cavegirl: Best for me? You're just jealous, just like Roast. You don't want me to end up better than you Mum: Listen to me young lady Cavegirl: La la la-la-la, la la la-la-la, la la la-la-la... Cavegirl: ...Not listening, not listening Mum: You must listen Cavegirl: Not listening... [Mum brings down Cavegirl] Mum: Right young lady, there's only one place for you [Prison] Cavegirl: (to herself) Prison? I can't believe Mum's put me in prison. It's a very clever prison. It's a long way up Guard: Toilet's over there, you eat over there, and no talking to him, him or him Cavegirl: (to herself) Stuff this Guard: And no thinking to yourself either Cavegirl: (to herself) No way up, long way down...(examining next prisoner)...long hair [Cavegirl checks out other prisoners' hair] Cavegirl: Not quite long enough...nope...excellent...Sorry about this [Cavegirl throws the hair rope over the cliff] [Back at village] Roast: So you told Cavegirl that the Big Strong Women were dangerous? Mum: Yeah. Not something you'd a done as it was the right thing to do Roast: That's exactly what I told Cavegirl Mum: No you didn't Roast: Ask Trunk Trunk: Ask me what? Roast: Go on Mum: Did he warn Cavegirl against the Big Strong Women? Trunk: Yeah. Did Stiks catch up with Cavegirl? Roast: Who sent him? Brilliant idea Mum: My idea Roast: Lousy idea Mum: It's not a lousy idea Trunk: Look, look stop listen right. Look you both think it's a good idea to stop Cavegirl going to see the Big Strong Women, right? Mum: Yeah Trunk: Yeah and we all thinks it's a good idea that if Stiks catches her up and stops her, also a good idea, right? Roast: Yeah, yeh if [Mum is smoked by a ball] Mum: Laugh and you die Cavegirl: (to herself) Someone's following me. Where's that trap, where's that trap, where's that trap [Cavegirl skips over trap] Cavegirl: Got it [Stiks walks on trap and is whisked into the air] Cavegirl: Yes! Ahhhh...Stiks...Why are you chasing me? Stiks: Your mum sent me to protect you Cavegirl: (to herself) Uh oh Cavegirl: Sorry Aggy I didn't mean to use your trap. ???? a bit of an emergency Stiks: I don't want to be up here any more Cavegirl: There's nothing to be frightened of, you're perfectly safe [Cavegirl accidentally presses the net release] Cavegirl: It's OK, you're safe...Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you Stiks Stiks: Where am I? Cavegirl: Big Strong Women village Stiks: The Big Strong Women village? Cavegirl: It's alright, it's alright. Forget anything bad you've heard, they're lovely Aggy: We're going to teach you how to fight Cavegirl: Excellent Cavegirl: (to herself) The Big Strong Women are showing me all their secrets [Lots of screaming, running about and throwing things] Aggy: Now that we've taught you all of our secrets, we'd like you to join our sisterhood Cavegirl: (gasp) Me join you?...(gasp)...must tell Stiks...Stiks! [Stiks is gone] Cavegirl: Where's Stiks? 3rd Big Strong Woman: The bait pit Cavegirl: The what? 2nd Big Strong Woman: The bait pit Cavegirl: You use men as bait? Aggy: What else are they good for? [Cavegirl runs over to untie Stiks] Cavegirl: But he's my friend [Aggy hits Cavegirl with bolas] Cavegirl: I thought I wanted to join you but I don't...(whispers)...Don't worry Stiks I'll be back [Cavegirl runs off and finds Trunk] Cavegirl: (to herself) Trunk says, nobody wants to go back with me to help Stiks. Plan A, use legs [Cavegirl seductively crosses her legs] Trunk: Naa it's not happening Cavegirl: (to herself) Plan A not happening, let's move to Plan B. I'll use what they taught me to kick their butts [The fight is on, Cavegirl and the Big Strong Women posture with growls] [The village] Mum: I hope you realise this is all your fault Roast: Hoh yeah, yeah. If you'd let me and Cavegirl hang out together she would've never have run away with the Big Strong Women anyway in the first place Mum: Wrong!...Again!...Incredible!...Alway wrong! Trunk: Can you stop arguing? It's not about you two it's about Stiks and Cavegirl Mum: I know that Roast: Well so do I [Sounds of the war cries are heard; Cavegirl defeats 2nd Big Strong Woman with a staff and 3rd Big Strong Woman by collapsing a hut. Cavegirl runs to Stiks and unties him] Cavegirl: Go Stiks go! [Cavegirl and a Big Strong Woman wrestle, Stiks finds Mum, Roast and Trunk] Mum: I think we ought to help her. Roast: Have you seen the size of the girl she's fighting? Trunk: She's massive Stiks: I'm quite happy here thanks [Cavegirl hits 3rd Big Strong Woman with bolas, puts on bark armour and climbs in tree. Cavegirl roars. Aggy comes, Cavegirl roars again and runs off. Aggy roars and chases. Cavegirl ties rope to her. Cavegirl and Aggy face each other. Cavegirl does aerial ballet on the rope but Aggy gets the upper hand] Stiks: This is too horrible we can't get involved Roast: Someone's got to help her [Roast charges but is decked by Aggy] Trunk: Ohh hohh that must have hurt Mum: Well at least he tried Cavegirl: (to herself) Ah! No one does that to my Roast [After a series of swinging kicks and punches by Cavegirl, Aggy is subdued and tied up. The village group leave] Cavegirl: Next time, don't be so keen to give away all your secrets Aggy: (gagged garble) Mum: Maybe you'll choose your friends more carefully next time Cavegirl: So it is my choice is it?...Roast isn't all bad is he Mum? Mum: No, not all bad [Cavegirl runs off and jumps on Roast's back] |
last updated Jan 7th 06
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